Tag: silence

My title is a bit of an overreaction, but that’s how yesterday felt. Yesterday was Day 4 of my silence to let my vocal nodules heal. It had been a pretty successful day. I managed to do a business meeting by Skype with a business colleague who is also a friend and she did the talking while I did the talking. It was a little weird but she was a terrific sport about it.

There was the usual yelp when my Lovebird bit at my feet and some laughing, both on the Skype call as well as with my husband, but things were going quite well. Then it was off to the gym. I don’t usually speak with people at the gym, but once in a while there’s someone who wants to say something to me. I opted to wear my “CAN’T SPEAK” button which was probably a good idea. I did see one fellow that sometimes comes over to talk to me but I sort of pretended that I didn’t see him to avoid an awkward confrontation.

It was when I was the change room that I heard from behind, “Well hi stranger!” And I turned around and saw a lady that used to be on the same gym schedule that I was back when I moved to St. Catharines. My natural reaction, and quite loud, was to reply, “Hi! It’s so good to see you!” Before my eyes went wide and I covered my mouth. Oops! I dashed over to my locker and grabbed my button and went over to show her and ended up whispering (even though whispering is worse than talking), “I’m not supposed to speak but I keep forgetting. I have vocal nodules.” It was pretty silly and awkward. Oops.

The bummer about this is that, though I don’t remember her name, this is a girl who I think I should try to make friends with. Though I now know a lot of people in St. Catharines, I only have a couple of people who I would call friend and who I would actually hang out with. I don’t even remember this nice girls name, but I feel like she and I could be on the same page. I recently made a new friend at the Niagara Jazz Festival that I think could really develop into a quality friendship but it’s being postponed by my forced silence. Connecting with one potential friend is making me hopeful about making some other connections. But alas, it will have to wait.

After the gym I wanted to duck into Sport Chek across the street to buy a pair of gym shorts. The transaction at the counter was fine, but leaving the store I ran into another person from the Jazz Fest. At least she had seen me with my microphone and was aware that I had a voice condition.

Last stop was the grocery store. Once again, there was an acquaintance down one of the aisles. I pretended that I didn’t see them and hurried off to another part of the store. It’s just too tough to go through the game of charades.

I hope that I run into the lady from the gym again once I’ve begun talking. I wish I’d had a piece of paper; I would have left her a note on her locker with a better explanation and my email address. Maybe I’ll carry something with me before my next evening workout.

Day 3 of my mandatory vocal rest to try to heal my vocal nodules. There were 2 events of note today.

This morning, I couldn’t help but blurt out, “OH SH!T! ANTS!” when I discovered a line of ants marching right up my bird’s cage to his food dish. How could I help myself? I cleared away all of his food and newspaper and hauled the cage outside to hose it down. Usually I take care of Gaudi while Geoff hoses down the cage but I somehow managed to do it all with him on my shoulder. I thought I might miss the window for the swimming lanes but I still managed to squeeze in a 30 minute swim on my lunch break.

Gaudi is my special needs Quaker Parrot; he’s completely blind. Gaudi depends on touch and sound and manages exceptionally well, but he’s very sensitive. Before going silent, my primary concern was about how Gaudi would respond to me being silent. I can whistle though because it doesn’t use my vocal cords, so I’ve been whistling all the live long day, and he actually likes it and recognizes that it’s me so it’s basically been fine. Until tonight, that is.
This evening, just as I was thinking about how well things had been going with Gaudi when things took a turn for the worse. It was like in my head I had said the famous last words to jinx how well things had been going. Gaudi was on my shoulder and heard Geoff speaking and got confused about who was who and started biting me. I couldn’t say any of the things I usually would to reassure him and the whistling was not cutting it. He started to bite in confusion and then I couldn’t get him back on his cage. I probably should have just spoken but I felt truly handicapped and helpless. He was very frightened and lashing out and I got pretty emotional. It was pretty awful.

The biting incident in the evening was a definite low point, but I feel less tired today. Tomorrow will be better.

Day 1 – My “silent treatment” has begun! My priority this month is to let my vocal nodules heal, and to take a break from a lot of busy-ness to focus on overall health. I’ll be mostly silent for the next few weeks save for new client calls.

So far, as I expected, the main challenge has to do with my birds. It’s very hard not to make an exclamation When Lindy Decides to play day by biting your toe. She also flew into the garden when I opened the door to put out a spider. She doesn’t want to escape, but she loves to be chased. I didn’t even realize I’d spoken until after I retrieved her. That will take some practice.

I have what’s called a boogie board to communicate with my husband. That part will take getting used to, but is mostly fine. I can see already that it’s going to be a bit tough when he isn’t directly in my line of vision though. It’s so natural to call to someone in the next room or even on the other side of the room. I’ve already had to follow him around a couple of times already to share something with him. I have a little whistle too but I’ll share that for urgent matters. I’ve also got a “CAN’T SPEAK – mandatory voice rest” button that I’ll be wearing this month. I’m sure that will raise questions when I do go out, but other than at the gym, I’ll carry the boogie board with me. I’m going swimming 15 minutes. I hope nobody will try to speak with me there.

I’ll take a few new client calls this month since this is a transition month for my business. My vocal therapist thought that would be fine. She’s actually at odds with the doctor and thinks that I don’t need to go silent at all since I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’d rather just do it now like the doctor has recommended since August is the best time of the year for me to do something like this. I’d prefer to do it now and just have it done.

I’m really excited to have the time to focus on some new business projects, fitness, and healthy eating this month. This morning I made a bunch of vegetable juice, a green smoothie, a raw Mexican vegetable soup, and washed a bunch of kale for a salad so I have my food organized enough to last me the day.

So that’s my update, 3 hours in. Let’s see how it goes!

…

Evening follow up:

Wore my “CAN’T SPEAK” button to the gym and also made it through a visit to the pet store and health food store. I felt kind of awkward but managed. Later, Geoff and I were sitting around doing different things on our laptops and I mindlessly spoke to him about something unimportant. I see now that it takes constant awareness not to speak because it’s something that really we would all do thoughtlessly most of the time. Still, today is almost done and I think I’ve done already for my first go at it.